


Snacks and Zombie Attacks

by Lurking_Umbra



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Gen, Vespa is there for all of like two sentences but she is there, this may be the most ridiculous thing I've written and I'm fine with that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:20:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26884297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lurking_Umbra/pseuds/Lurking_Umbra
Summary: The crew of the Carte Blanche has movie nights fairly often. Rarely do they settle on a scary movie, but tonight was one of such nights. Rita isn’t going to let a small thing like fear stop her from getting to her snacks though.
Relationships: Rita & Jet Sikuliaq
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	Snacks and Zombie Attacks

**Author's Note:**

> Have the silliest, fluffiest nonsense.

Rita was not scared because of the stream. That would've been silly and childish and she was a grown woman, thank you very much. It wasn't like anti-vaxxers were real. Although they had been in the past, but that was ages ago and she was safe here in space where the anti-vaxxer zombies couldn't hurt her. At least she thought they couldn't. But what if one of her shipmates was actually an anti-vaxxer in disguise? She didn't think that she could kill a zombie if it looked like Captain A or Miss Vespa or Mistah Nureyev or Mistah Jet. She definitely couldn't kill one if it looked like Mistah Steel. She would get bitten and then the whole ship would just be full of anti-vaxxers and that was the scariest thing Rita could think of at the moment. 

It had been hours since they watched the stream, but Rita had woken up hungry and with a craving that couldn't be filled by the various snacks she had stashed in her room. No, she had a craving that could only be satisfied by ice cream with sour gummies and cheesy twists on top. And as much as she had tried to get Captain A to let her keep a mini fridge in her cabin, she hadn't won that battle. Not yet, at least. 

And so Rita found herself creeping through the halls on the way to the kitchen, her comms light activated, in case she encountered an anti-vaxxer and needed to run. She heaved a sigh of relief when she made it into the kitchen without incident, and headed for the fridge, only to yelp as she stepped on something that squished beneath her feet. She shone her comms light at the floor, only to see a horde of those sugar covered marshmallow bunnies, except if you asked Rita, they didn't look anything like their Martian counterparts. She wasn't sure if it was appropriate to call them a horde either. She'd have to ask Mistah Steel what a group of rabbits was called at a more normal time of day. He was always grouchy when she woke him up in the middle of the night. 

She crouched down to poke at one of the bunnies, only for her light to reveal that they covered much of the floor surrounding their food. She rose to her feet and crossed her arms over her chest, trying to figure out where in the world they had come from and why they were on the floor surrounding the cabinets and refrigerator.

She screeched when the lights turned on suddenly, throwing the nearest thing she could reach towards the shadow that hovered in the doorway to the lounge. That just so happened to be her comms, and the only reason it didn't shatter was that the shadow, which she quickly realized was Mistah Jet, caught it.

"Rita," Jet said calmly in that voice of his, once she had stopped screaming, "I did not expect to see you here at this hour."

Rita was unsure of how to take that. Sure, she kept enough snacks in her room that she didn't have to enter the kitchen nearly as often as she had her late night snack breaks, but sometimes a girl had a craving for something different. Rita had run into Jet in the hallways on some of her late night trips to the kitchen. So the fact that he was surprised by her presence was a bit odd.

"Are you an anti-vaxxer zombie, Mistah Jet?" Rita screeched, bending down to grab a handful of marshmallow bunnies and aiming them threateningly at him. "Because these have red-40 dye in them and I'm not afraid to use them!"

"I am aware, as I was the one to set up the anti-vaxxer zombie boundaries around all of our important supplies."

Rita looked Jet up and down --very up and not much down-- before she realized something. "Mistah Jet, are you scared of the anti-vaxxer zombies too?" She asked, tilting her head.

The slight pause before he spoke told Rita much. Metaphorically speaking, of course. "It is a reasonable fear. Anti-vaxxers were surprisingly prevalent in the early 21st century, it is not so much of a leap to assume that at least some of them survived."

"But none of them are on the ship, much less screaming in the kitchen at 3:40 in the morning," a voice growled from somewhere behind Rita. 

Somewhere too close behind her for her to feel safe. She squeaked as she took a giant leap in Jet's direction, jumping over the marshmallow rabbits and colliding solidly with his chest. 

"Stay back!" Jet roared, brandishing more marshmallow rabbits from somewhere on his person in the direction of the intruder, not even the least bit winded.

Rita, who had been attempting to scale Jet and was now clinging to his chest like a backwards backpack, turned to look at their assailant. "Oh," she said with relief, dropping back down to the ground. "It's just Miss Vespa."

"She too could be an imposter anti-vaxxer zombie, having infiltrated our ship only to turn on us at an opportune moment," Jet said calmly, not taking his eyes off of Vespa. "Like in the stream."

"Nah," Rita reassured him, even going so far as to pat him on the bit of his arm that she could reach. "The anti-vaxxer zombies could never replicate Miss Vespa. She likes vaccines too much."

Vespa rolled her eyes. "The zombies in that movie were all idiots who had it coming to them." She glared at Jet and Rita. "Just like you two will if you don't quiet down and let the rest of us sleep."

"Okay Miss Vespa," Rita chirped cheerily as Vespa turned and left the kitchen. "Come on, Mistah Jet. I'll walk you to your room and we can watch that one documentary special about how safe and useful vaccines are." 

Jet moved easily with her as she hurried down the hall. If Miss Vespa didn't think there were any anti-vaxxer zombies on the ship, it was probably true, but just in case, she felt safer with Jet's strong and tall presence at her side. Between the two of them, those anti-vaxxers didn't stand a chance.


End file.
